I am less than a week out from another surveillance scan. The first one since I was “upgraded” to getting one every four months, instead of three.
The extended time period has been nice, but the scanxiety seems a little worse this go-around. There was something reassuring about going more frequently. On the other hand, there’s never anything reassuring about putting more radioactive materials in your body multiple times a year.
I’ve been keeping myself busy. And still probably too busy. Yet busy enough to prevent too much worry from invading my thoughts.
I’ve noticed a couple of things about myself that I’m not sure has been the result of chemo or just part of getting older:
- The first is regarding my brain. There’s a lot in it. But it’s one big jumbled mess. I don’t know how to explain it, but before cancer (BC), the thoughts in my head felt much more organized. Like a tidy little spreadsheet, every row and column were aligned and compartmentalized appropriately. However, these days my brain feels like that one junk drawer in the kitchen. The one that has the batteries, miscellaneous writing utensils, loose screws, and oddities that may or may not ever be needed. And there’s no organizational container in this drawer. It’s all spread out and about, and every time the drawer is opened things shift dramatically.
You know how your brain is a little fuzzy immediately after waking up? It’s kinda like that. But all day.
I still have times of clarity and focus, thank goodness! But something feels off.
- The second thing I’ve noticed is some mild shaking in my hands and arms. I have never been a very well coordinated person so why not add on a little bit of the shakes too? Anyone up for a game of catch?
My scan will be December 6th around 9am and whatever news there is or isn’t will be relayed to me about noon. This is the first time my scan has been intentionally scheduled on a Tuesday which my nurses insisted we do so that my oncologist, Dr. Reed, could meet with me and “deliver the good news.”
This will be the first time I’ve seen him in person since my surgery in June 2021. I’m taking it as a good sign that they believe it WILL be good news. Dr. Reed unfortunately has the responsibility to deliver a lot of bad news and scenarios. I’m praying I can live up to being an exception in this case!
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