Final Home Study Interview, TBRI, White Saviorism and Transracial Adoption

Well hello there! I believe it's been a little over a month since the last update. As of early last week I wouldn't have had much to update you on, but now I do!

Final Home Study Interview!

We've scheduled our final home study interview for next week! From my understanding, our social worker will have some follow up questions regarding some results of a marriage questionnaire we took and then she will interview each of us separately.

Please pray that it goes well! I have no reason to think it won't, but the extra encouragement is appreciated!

Trust Based Relational Intervention Training

Last week, Nelson and I had the opportunity to attend training for parents and caregivers of children from hard places (impacted by trauma). It was a two day event hosted by Commission 127, a local organization that supports foster, adoptive and biological families in crisis. It is so awesome to have been able to attend at no cost, meet other foster and adoptive parents, and learn from one another in such a supportive setting. Now, you may be asking, what is TBRI all about? Or you may not be asking that and I'm going to tell you anyway. I alluded it to it awhile back when mentioning some required reading we had to do - The Connected Child by Karyn B. Purvis, David R. Cross, Wendy Lyons Sunshine.

This quick video will really help explain it so much better than I can, but in short, it is based on a deep understanding of neuropsychology, attachment theory, and developmental trauma.

The three TBRI principles are

• Empowerment—attention to physical needs;

• Connection—attention to attachment needs; and

• Correction—attention to behavioral needs.

TBRI gives us some great tools to help meet our future child's needs and have compassion for what their brain and body are going through because of the effects early trauma and stress had on their development.

Does it make parenting easy? Nope. Will we screw it up sometimes? Yup. But these resources and support will help us build a good framework and keep the two of us on the same page.

White Saviorism and Transracial Adoption

This journey has been pretty introspective, as it has led us to reflect on things that would have never crossed our minds. Not because we're ignorant, but because there are facets to adoption and parenting that you don't think about until you're in the thick of it. Can I get an "amen?"

I'm about to tread on some pretty sensitive ground. Walk with me through this mine field.

A couple months ago, I came across an Instagram account with content that made my stomach flip. It was an outlet for adoptees to share their commonalities and struggles. And it was there that I was introduced to extreme hatred toward white American couples who adopt internationally.

And I took it personally. We were labeled as having a white savior complex - an ideology that a white person acts from a position of superiority to rescue a non-white people. It's a pattern we've seen throughout history, and yet it never occurred to us that our deep desire to adopt a little girl from Taiwan could be seen as cruel and inhumane.

Feedback from some adoptees was that they wished they had been left at their orphanage or on the streets in their homeland, that their life was now worse for having been torn from their culture, and that their adoptive parents were horrible and mistreated them, that their guardians had no idea how to relate to them. They believed that international adoption should not exist, and there were other words and phrases that hurt my heart.

We recognize that White Saviorism exists.

There are white Americans who adopt who do see themselves, and portray themselves, as saving a child from an unfortunate situation in another country. The attention is on the parents and not on the child or the child's needs. The focus can be "look how great we are for adopting a poor child from a poor country!" And since it was never about the child's needs, the parents do not know how to handle the situation and end up damaging the child, causing more trauma on top of the trauma already experienced from the pre and post adoption process. Imagine adopting a child but not being very compassionate or interested in their history and culture, meeting their needs, learning the ways in which they like to play, learn, eat, etc. And then wondering why the relationship is broken and why the child is "behaving badly." It's unfathomable to us!

I think/hope most of you know that white saviorism is not the attitude we have in approaching an international adoption.

We also recognize that adoption is not perfect. But it's improving with the establishment of the Hague Adoption Convention in 1993, the research and tools (like TBRI) that are now available, and better regulation and practices by adoption agencies. There are truly evil and ignorant people in this world that are adopting or fostering, causing much more harm to children than we can possibly imagine. And as teenagers and adults, they are left picking up the pieces, grieving, processing, and trying to function in a world that just doesn't understand.

Our Commitment

Our commitment is to provide a loving and nurturing environment for our future daughter while honoring her cultural heritage and ensuring she grows up with a strong sense of identity. We are deeply aware of the complexities and challenges that come with transracial adoption, and we are committed to continuous learning and reflection to ensure that we are always acting in the best interest of our child.

We don't see ourselves as rescuers or saviors. We see ourselves as future parents who are ready to love and support a child unconditionally, recognizing and respecting her unique background and needs. Our journey is not about us; it's about creating a family and ensuring our daughter feels loved, understood, and supported in every possible way.